“A female friend of mine asked me to address this issue. And so without divulging her identity, I will write a brief explanation of the events she explained to me and offer an opinion on those events. Hopefully this helps those in similar situations.” ---J Jones
So you’ve finally met someone that you believe to be worthwhile. They treat you with respect and give you their attention. They’re romantic in ways you’ve never imagined possible. And although you’ve taken things beyond first base only once, you feel that the time for deep romantic exploration is at hand. You welcome this moment. But there’s just one hang up you have…
You notice that this individual gives an unhealthy amount of attention to skin color. He goes out of his way to let all of his friends know that you’re African American. He comments constantly on how beautiful your dark skin is. And although he says that this isn’t his first interracial relationship there seems to be a lot of attention being given to your skin color.
But hey, you chalk it up as appreciation. After all, as long as he isn’t calling you anything crazy or derogatory you should be fine, right? So many people talk about the bad things associated with skin color. It’s good to be with someone that gives you wonderful compliments. So you go along for the ride.
But one night things get weird…
Last night you guys ventured beyond second base and were on your way to home plate when he gave you a very strange request. For the sake of our readers we won’t repeat what he said but let’s just say that he had a derogatory name that he wanted you to call him during the heat of passion. And it was hella racial and offensive. You were quiet when the request was demanded and prayed that he would pick up on your discomfort with the request but he didn’t. Instead he asked you more loudly and with a lot more authority. Realizing you weren’t going to get past this thing by pretending to be deaf you relent and fulfilled the verbal request.
Afterwards as you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror you felt cheap and dirty. And although this man is everything you wanted, this latest issue throws serious doubt into your ability to continue a relationship with someone who has such strange requests.
What should you do? Should you stay or should you go?
Love and sex are very weird worlds. They often hold secrets within them that have been introduced to us through childhood, societal influence, or good and bad experiences. They are warped worlds and are regularly challenged by common sense thinking.
But when someone isn’t being honest about why they’re entering a relationship then there is always damage to the other party. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself if you find yourself in a bad/weird sexual relationship:
1. Was he honest in the beginning? Let’s be honest for a minute. There is no way that you can know everything about a person if you’ve just started dating them. Sexuality is something that is often discovered and explored with time. But if your partner told you that they like strawberry ice cream and you discover that they actually like chocolate ice cream, there is a disconnect. How honest were they with you? And more importantly, how honest were you with them?
2. Does his sexuality compromise who you are? Nobody gets everything they want in life. There are some things you have to live with. Romance is no different. When entering the square circle there are some things that people do just to please their partners. Trust me. Love is about giving yourself and less about personal pleasure. But if you have to give up your dignity or self-respect just to please another person, you lose part of who you are. You cannot compromise your values in the quest for love. If you do, what would stop you from compromising your whole being?
3. Why does this ring his bell? If your man has weird or strange requests you have to ask yourself, why? Is it something from his childhood? Is it something from an experience he had? I hate to be the bearer of bad news here but when entering relationships we all have to get minor degrees in psychology. If you want a healthy relationship, you have to do the work. If this thing rings his bell because he has some mental health issues, you may want to get out or help him find the proper healing he needs.
4. Will this issue enter his normal way of life? I know plenty of people that go to their 9 to 5 jobs every day and have done the nastiest things during the night. Mostly everyone is guilty of it. But if you begin to notice certain things or nicknames move from the bedroom to an area of your everyday life, you may have a problem.
Basically, love is weird. Different things turn different people on. You have to really ask yourself how much nonsense are you willing to accept and does it compromise who you are as a person? If it does then you need to get out.