Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Real Friends and How to Weed Out the Fake Ones

Friends. Friends. Friends. We all need them. We all want them. Popularity has been the name of the game since the beginning of time. It’s the way we elect our politicians. It’s the way we find our jobs. It’s almost the American way of life.

But sometimes we go overboard for that popularity. We put ourselves in harm’s way just to be loved. Many relationships have been ruined by too many friends. The graveyards are filled with celebrities that took that desire too far. Numerous teenagers develop eating disorders because of it. And with the advent of social media, our pains are sure to reach biblical proportions.

So what is healthy? How many friends should a person have? What is going overboard? How can a person tell if their life is being threatened by the burning desire to be liked?
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Here are the 5 ways to tell if you have too many friends:

1.     Your cell phone is blowing up 24/7: Okay, nobody needs to talk on a phone all of the time. Nobody! Even call centers have periods of inactivity. So why do you feel it’s necessary to have that cell phone attached to your head? Chances are you’re probably talking so much that you’ve missed huge chunks of your life. Nobody has so many friends that they can’t stop talking on the phone.

2.     Your social media time gives you Carpal Tunnel: If you’re not a secretary with a daily typing job or a gainfully employed writer, why are you typing so much on social media. No one needs to know your itinerary for the whole day. Yet you keep to your laptop like Super Glue is on your fingers. Come on, give that typing a break.

3.     Your grades/work takes a nosedive: If you give so much of yourself to the world of partying that you forget your priorities, one of two things will happen. Either you’ll become a world famous socialite or you’ll flunk out of school / lose your job. Partying takes a gut punch when you have no money to finance it. It’s hard to get that great job when your grades tell a half-focused story.
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4.     You have to call your friends first: Guess what? Friends call each other. One friend isn’t always the initiator of that contact. If you find yourself having to dial your supposed “friends” more than they call you, maybe they’re not truly your friends.

5.     When the rumors start: When you become the butt of all of the jokes and your reputation gets a little muddy. Watch out. Those friends that you thought were going to keep certain things in confidence have disappeared. That is when you know you may have too many friends. Real friends never snitch.

Some people need constant validation. That’s a recipe for disaster. If you look on the average person’s Facebook account you will see that they have a very small amount of friends. Those users that have over 100 are either lying to themselves or are exposed in the manners I’ve just outlined. Do yourself a favor. Keep your circle small. 

Dating Someone With Kids and Surviving

Dating a person with a child is a tough task. On top of jockeying for available time in their schedule, you have to accept the fact that the child is the most important part of his or her life. And you also have to accept the fact that the parent of that child will play a permanent part in your new love’s life. Forever!

But beyond the things mentioned, if you like her and she likes you there’s no reason you should be hesitant to date someone with a child. Chances are they are more responsible than the average person. And that child may give you a deep sense of happiness, adding to your relationship with the parent. It’s often a win-win situation when you date a person with a child. Mostly.

Well…. There are a few exceptions…..
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What if the person you’re dating has the child from hell? You know what kind of child I’m talking about. The kid kicks you. Bites you. Cries as loud as a fire engine. When you try to get a kiss, the kid is right there to stop you. This is the kind of kid that smiles when their mother is present but curses at you when the mother leaves the room. You get my meaning….

What do you do about that? How do you date someone with a bad kid?

1.     Don’t fight with the kid: Do you want to get kicked out of the house? Then get into a verbal confrontation with the kid. Most parents are seriously defensive about their children. They can do no wrong. I don’t care how much you think you’ve connected with the parent, one bad word about that child will get you tossed out on your ass!

2.     Don’t judge the parent until you’ve crossed the relationship threshold: If you’ve just started dating, chances are you have no power. The parent isn’t listening to you about parenting because you obviously don’t have any children. You’re only seeing the bad. You’re not there to see the sweet things. Let a little time pass. Actually a few months. This will give you time to decide if this relationship is worth it. It will also give you the opportunity to build some stock within the parenting realm. The parent will respect you more if you’ve been around for a little while and won’t be so quick to disregard what you’re saying.

3.     Take clues from the kid: Most children will let you know what they think of you within 5 minutes. And within that 5 minute period they’re mostly going to be skeptical of you. They don’t know you. But as time goes on, the child can’t help but to open up. They’ll develop a connection with you or the distance will become greater. But either way, they’ll let you know.

4.     Take clues from the parent: Sometimes a parent will want your honest opinion about their child. They’ll ask. Don’t be brutally honest about the way the child is a tornado of mischief. Be positive. Talk about what the child does well and where he or she may need improvement. But if the parent asks you for your assistance, be helpful.

5.     Be patient: It’s so easy to discard a relationship because someone did something you didn’t like. But that’s childish in a sense because you’ve not given the situation the right amount of time. Be patient. Let time dictate your next course of action. Obviously if you made it to having serious romantic feelings for that person they told you about the child and you accepted it. Don’t flake out just because you don’t like a few things.