Monday, March 9, 2015

What Infidelity Means and the Definition of Cheating

If you’ve had the average amount of experience when it comes to relationships you know what cheating is. It can hurt like nothing else on this earth. Cheating burns at your very soul because it takes every concrete belief you had about your lover and turns it into doubt. Upon the discovery of an unfaithful person you immediately sink into each and every moment you’ve shared with your lover. From birthdays to candlelight dinners, you analyze everything with a humongous dose of skepticism. You start to question every moment. You think back to every romantic night in which the two of you bared your souls and you replace your face with the co-conspirator. Did he say the same things to her? Did she kiss him the way that she kisses me? How many times did they make love? Am I going to get sick? How can I start over?
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But there’s an aspect to cheating that is rarely discussed. What exactly is cheating? For some people it’s the fact that you slept with another person. For others it’s a kiss. I’ve even heard women complain that they’ve felt cheated on if the man watched adult movies. 

What exactly is cheating?

Cheating means different things for everyone. There isn’t a clear definition. There are so many variations of ways in which we harm each other that it is almost incomprehensible to try to analyze. In the age of social media and the internet you can easily add two more methods of cheating to those traditional ways of thinking.
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But there are several ways in which a person can know if they’re cheating or have been cheated upon. Here are 5 ways to know if you’re cheating:

1.     Would you be afraid to reveal the act to your partner? If you’re doing something like communicating with a female without your girlfriend knowing it, what do you think her reaction would be if she found out? Would she accept the fact that you keep female friends? Or would she blow a gasket and throw all of your personal belongings onto the front yard? If you’re going out of your way to hide something and you’re afraid of your partner’s reaction, you’re probably cheating.

2.     Would you accept your partner doing the same thing? How comfortable would you be if your man spent all of his time talking to random women on social media? Would you be jealous? Would you view those women as his friends or would you start to believe they may be after him? Like it or not, roleplaying is a valid barometer for cheating. If you couldn’t accept the same thing from your mate, then guess what? You’re probably cheating.

3.     Has the 3rd party said some questionable things? Men and women talk. And talk. And talk. And talk. Eventually someone is going to cross the line and breech dating topics. If this person were truly your friend then there would be no way you could have a conversation about “favorite positions” and think it is cool. As soon as a question like that is asked that person has disrespected your significant other. If they disrespect the person you’re in a relationship with and you ignore it and continue? You’re probably cheating.

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4.     Breech of designated time: There’s time for yourself and then there’s relationship-time. Everyone knows what that is. That is specific time you have allocated for your significant other. You use that time for movies, talking, date night, or other romantic endeavors. That time specifically belongs to you and your mate. So if you find yourself using slick division to try to reallocate that time to a new face, guess what? You’re probably cheating. Somewhere along the line your mate will object. And what usually follows is some excuse about working late. The truth is never revealed. And that truth usually means you want to play a little. A relationship is about responsibility aka routine. While you may alter that routine jointly, one person choosing to do so is a clear sign of dirty play.

5.     The Cash Crunch: Most relationships work within an agreed upon budget. But with the way relationships have changed over the last few years it’s not uncommon for couples to choose to maintain their own budgets. Financial independence is not necessarily a bad thing. But when you find yourself spending secret piles of cash and not being able to disclose the fact that you’re spending more of your cash on lunches with your new “friend” at work then guess what? You’re probably cheating.

How To Handle Breaking Up With Someone That's Crazy

Everyone will experience a bad breakup in their lifetime. It just happens. Eventually you move from "wondering" if the person is bad to "I'm getting out of here". For whatever reason two people choose to end their relationship and sometimes it gets ugly. There’s yelling and screaming involved. Sometimes clothes are thrown outside of the house. Sometimes a person receives 100 telephone calls at work. Sometimes you go through the “Baby, baby, baby please” phase and have to deal with the begging and pleading.

But there are some instances in which things go beyond that. We’re talking Melrose Place type ugly. Sabotage is the best word to describe it. I’ve heard of people telling lies to their ex’s family members. On another occasion I’ve heard of tires being slashed. There have been times of burning clothing. We’re talking some really scary stuff people.
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These incidences go beyond what is considered normal. They literally threaten the safety of another person and display a level of psychosis that may need professional treatment.

So what do you do? How do you handle someone that just seems to be uncontrollable? Is there anything you can do to be proactive about the breakup? How do you prepare for such a situation?

Here are 5 things you can do to protect yourself from a bad breakup:

1.     Before you breakup, make a plan: If you suspect your lover will take the breakup badly or may do something crazy, set a target date and plan properly. Choose to deliver the news in a public setting or with the help of a family member that you feel safe with. The location is key.
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2.     Inform your family and friends of the breakup: Prior to breaking up with the person you need to inform your family and friends of what you are planning to do. Let them know of his or her behavior and tell them what you honestly expect him or her to do. The more open you are the less they will be surprised if your lover contacts them and tries to sabotage your relationship.

3.     Change your financial information: Relationships start off with the best of intentions and often end in the murky swamp of mistrust. In the beginning you may trust a person enough to give them your bank pin number. But during the end of the relationship you may not trust them at all. It is best to prepare for the worst. Go to your bank and establish a new account. Transfer the majority of your funds into that account and order a new check card. Close out the other account. Have the bank hold your financial statements until you notify them otherwise. And make sure you update your signature card on that new account. Call all credit card companies to cancel your cards and replace them with new ones.

4.     Change your address: Talk to your current landlord and see if there is a way for you to end your lease. Explain to them your circumstances. Most landlords will probably make you pay a fee but they’ll let you leave. No apartment company wants drama.

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5.     Change all utility account numbers: This may seem a little over the top but trust me, it’s not. Some angry exes will call your utility company and have your water or electricity disconnected. It’s best to be proactive and contact the companies directly. Explain your situation. Most of them will accommodate you.